I am

Broken, inadequate, scared.

I am complete.

Sad, torn, gray.

I am vibrant.

Unworthy, unable, unnecessary.

I am loved.

Murky, unsure, wilted.

I am pure.

I am the beloved child

of my Father-Mother-God.

I am the pure expression

of life, love, joy - whole and complete.

I am able to face down the evil

that tries to destroy me, convince me.

I am the beloved child of God.

I can hold his hand.

'Tude to a Different Tune

Saturday morning was a nonstop soccer day! Three children playing in three games for three hours. We had already watched two of them, and were onto the third game. While my husband was helping the coach, I sat on the sidelines with two of our girls. Our youngest daughter, was getting hungry and a little cranky and all the snacks had been depleted. I told her we would get lunch when the game was over, but she just kept being fussy and pouty.

She is normally very cheerful and easy-going, but she had gotten to a point where she wouldn’t respond to anything I said to her. I told her to come sit down in front of me, pointing to the spot I designated for her. When she came around to sit down, she went for my lap, instead of the ground in front of me to which I had pointed.

My first thought was to say no to her sitting on my lap. She had acted ugly and I wasn’t going to reward bad behavior. Plus, I was frustrated and wanted space. Then I realized what was needed was for me to embrace her and let Love melt away the anger. As soon as she sat down, I put my arms around her and she melted into me. Her usual sweetness and patience replaced the previous attitude. I was glad I had yielded to an expectation that Divine Love would provide the change needed.

I saw that those unkind and disrespectful qualities were not a part of her being. I knew that as a child of God, she could only reflect good qualities. That left no room for anything unlike God, Good.

In the Bible, in the book of Genesis, it says, “And God saw everything he had made, and behold it was very good.” It says, ‘very good’ not sometimes good. As we reflect that goodness, we prove God’s all-ness and ever-present help.

Even though I wanted to be mad for a little bit as well, God got in front of me and said I needed to handle the situation differently. God gave me the answers I needed at that very moment and all I had to do was listen and be obedient to that message.

When I look on it now, as I write, it seems so easy to just listen and obey a right idea. At the time human wills try to collide in a conversation, its tempting to hold on to the anger and frustration that gets worked up. Its really just as simple as turning on a light switch to see in a dark room. I could have stayed angry, had a public, fretful conversation. We’ve all heard parents have those conversations out in public before. Whether its public or private, I don’t want to let frustration or sarcasm take over the way I speak.

There is a saying, “If you want to hear the way you speak, listen to your children.” So the conversations I have with them should be an example of how they are to speak to other people. Effective communicators, with good morals and motives can have a positive affect on the world around them.

Mary Baker Eddy writes in her book Science and Health, with Key to the Scriptures, “Divine Love always has met, and always will meet every human need.” Its a sentence I grew up with that provides comfort with an expectation of good answers.

We spent the rest of the game time cheering on the team, laughing and talking with her sister and our friends. The bad attitude left quicker than it came, and lunch came right after!

Robin the Toothethius aka Band of Brothers and Sisters

Hi Mom, just wanted to let you know we've had a good demonstration." Our 20 year old son, JamesTyler was calling. My husband and I were on our way to a dinner for our oldest daughter at her high school when he called. We were about an hour from home and our son was taking care of our four younger children.

He had picked up the two youngest children from their bus after school and was waiting for the Middle School bus to arrive. Our youngest son, Robin, was playing with some friends who were also waiting for the second bus. He fell face first on the sidewalk while playing tag and broke his two front teeth and bit through his bottom lip. The bus had just arrived with the Middle Schoolers and parents were picking up their children. Our youngest daughter called for JamesTyler to come help. Robin, was laying on the ground, bleeding and a crowd had formed. Robin was crying, mostly because he was surprised and fearful, and some of the other children started to cry concerned for their friend and brother.

JamesTyler sat down with him to comfort him while one of his sisters went to get some napkins to help him get cleaned up. JamesTyler reminded Robin that God was already there, and he was safe. The crowd was very supportive. Robin's big brother scooped him up and took him to the car with the his other brother and sisters. He had become calm and they were making jokes and Robin was laughing, letting go of any fear or concern. He had even brought home the broken tooth he found on the ground.

When they got home, they gave us a call. Everyone was calm and joyful and grateful. We asked if we should come right home, but they all answered no and assured us that everything was fine. When we spoke to Robin, he said in a cheery voice, "Hey, Mom, did you know your teeth are in layers?" He had obviously moved on to a cooler subject. His attitude made me smile and reminded me to let go as well.

My first thought was to turn around and go home so I, the Mother, could take care of him. I knew it would disappoint our daughter who was waiting for us, but I also knew she would understand. I am normally a calm person, but I found myself fighting off reactive emotions and thinking, “My baby!” Then I reminded myself that God was already there with him. God, his Father-Mother-God. I knew God was attending to every one of Robin's needs. Robin had already proven that he was receptive to that care and had turned to God for comfort and received it. All the children, big and small, were confident in God's care and were sharing ideas with each other in support of that.

Some of the ideas they shared with Robin were that he could never fall out of God's care. That he was always safe and protected in God's love. They also found comfort in the Lord’s Prayer. Knowing the comfort these ideas brought him, Robin was able to immediately let go of any fear or shock from the fall and any pain associated with it. He had no swelling or bruising and no trauma.

The children had learned at a very early age that God was their Father-Mother and that God's love and guidance gave them a strength on which to rely. They have seen many healings in our home and proofs of God's care, so it is natural for them to turn to God. Facing down fear, the children remarked that the blood on the napkin looked like paint and they were not impressed by the show of color. The rest of the night was calm and joyful for all of us. They all ate pizza for dinner, and later, Robin also had his favorite snack, popcorn.

I had left a message with the dentist that night so that we could take Robin in as soon as possible the next morning. The dentist made room for him very quickly repairing his chipped tooth and his half tooth, and Robin's smile looked good as new. Robin was great in the dentist's chair. They were laughing and joking even though there was a great deal of work needing to be done. I had become concerned while waiting for the dentist to finish, when I heard Robin say, in his best Scottish brogue imitation, “What’s wrong with you man, I can’t feel my nose!” I had to laugh at Robin’s outburst and the mesmerism fear was trying to have over me. I saw that outburst as God’s way of having a child show me I still needed to let go and trust God’s continued care! I acknowledged that God had not gone anywhere!

When we left the dentist’s office, it was lunchtime and Robin was hungry. He wanted a hamburger and a shake. I was thinking more along the lines of yogurt or applesauce and crackers. That was unacceptable to a hungry boy. I realized I needed to be sure I was again, not letting fear persuade my decisions and couching itself as “motherly wisdom”. So I listened to what I call God’s Angel messages for direction. What I heard was that it would be alright and I didn’t have to worry. We drove through Hardy’s and he heartily ate with no pain to his mouth or damage to the new work, and grinning from ear to ear.

I gave thanks to my Father-Mother for continuing to guide my thoughts, words and actions as I reflect the qualities of parenting. I also gave thanks for the humility to listen and not let human will get into an argument.

Robin was a real trooper that day and he is so thoughtful about caring for his front teeth.

I found myself using the children's example of faith, trust, humility and joy to overcome pangs of anxiety and fear for my child. Every now and then sadness for the situation came to me and I realized that my sense of perfection was being challenged. I was tempted to believe that somehow Robin was broken, hurt, abandoned and only if I could see perfection physically, was it true.

I woke up my thought to that temptation and claimed the truth about him immediately. Perfection isn’t bound by materiality, time, distance or any other human concept. It is the reflection of Spirit, God, manifested in us, physically, mentally and morally. It is Soul, the expression of the qualities of our identity as a child of God.

The immediate support our children gave each other came from truths they had learned from their parents at home, teaching them about their close relationship with God, as described in the Bible and the writings of Mary Baker Eddy. They also attend the Christian Science Church and Sunday School where they learn and share with others how to live the ideas they are understanding and demonstrating every day. Lessons from Moses, the prophets, Christ Jesus, The Book of Psalms, and many other examples in the Bible give them reliance and strength and comfort that they turn to in need.

In Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy writes on page 62, “The entire education of children should be such as to form habits of obedience to the moral and spiritual law, with which the child can meet and master the belief in so-called physical laws, a belief which breeds disease.”

I was so grateful for JamesTyler’s calm, clear thought. As he went over to help Robin, he walked with God, listening for those Angel messages that would tell him how to mentally approach the situation. It set the tone for all his brothers and sisters that were with him and even some of the parents and children that were concerned.

This opportunity was for the glory of God! It serves as a reminder that we can all turn to God every moment to help us with everything. God is Love, and God loves all of us!

Painless Childbirth

"To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, to-day is big with blessing." Mary Baker Eddy, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, page VII. My Grandmother says she received me, God delivered me. On a Sunday morning, five days before Christmas and the house was quiet. All the children were still sleeping. My mom, nine months pregnant with me, her fourth child, was preparing for the day-church, family lunch, etc. Dad was in another room getting ready for church, and mom's parents were visiting for Christmas. Grandfather was reading the Sunday paper in the living room while Grandma helped my mom.

When my Mom told Grandma she thought she was having the baby, Grandma told her with a smile that she better lie down if she didn't want to drop the baby on its head! So mom laid down on the bed. Dad was sitting on the floor next to the bed frantically looking for the doctor's phone number. Before they knew it, I was here, expressing only a sigh of gladness and looking as though I had just had a bath! Dad was still looking for the doctors phone number. It was that quick and easy. The biggest fuss was whether to cut the cord and tie it, or tie the cord and cut it! No one in the room could remember how it went and my dad was scrambling around the room, eventually finding what was needed to tame the task!

My brother, who was ten years old at the time, had wanted to see a baby born, and was very disappointed that he missed the event. He even told mom that IF they had included him, he could have provided them with the kite string he had in his desk drawer! (he was a Boy Scout-always prepared!) Dad finally found the number and called the doctor, who came right over. Everyone checked out to be perfect and complete in every way, and the doctor told mom to come by the hospital to get an official clean bill of health, and then we could go back home. Wasn't my Grandfather surprised when he had to put the paper down so he could hold a baby in his lap!

My dad was delivering a sermon in church later that morning. He walked up to the podium and read the opening remarks from the Bible. It was a Christmas Sermon. He looked up at the congregation and began to read, "Unto us a child is born." The crowd giggled thinking of my mom and me. And then the service continued.

Mom told me that story many times durning my childhood, and it had always been my impression that that was how childbirth was supposed to be. Quick, painless, fearless, joyful, full of love, stress-free, simple, and without burden or strife before, during or after the child arrived. No matter how many times I saw movies or TV shows with dramatic birthing scenes, I would laugh and think it was just someone's misunderstood concept of birth or made that way for dramatic effect. Whether it was someone's sense of reality or false sense of reality, it wasn't mine. So when it came time for me to be a mom, my husband and I prayed with the expectation that we would only accept what God had to say about the baby and me. My grandmother and mother had experienced painless childbirth, so I naturally expected that for myself.

When people found out I was pregnant, everywhere I turned, (as a result of so many accepted limited world views and beliefs), someone had a story, opinion, advice, rule, theory, or justification, and so on about me, the baby, our health, weight, size of my belly, shape of my belly, what I should do or not do, what I should eat or not eat, and what certain food would do to me if I did eat them! It became exhausting by the end of the day! And it wasn't only me, my husband got it too! He would come home from work and tell me some bit of information he received from someone sharing about their unhappy experience while pregnant or after they had their child and all the wear and tear they felt as a result of the experience.

We didn't want to judge these people, or their experiences, we just couldn't figure out why pregnant women were magnets to peoples' (usually total strangers') personal experiences, good, bad and ugly. It may just be a way for people to connect with someone else having a child. Maybe people are searching for a better answer and/or a sense of comfort for some of the questions they have, or inharmony, tragedy, sadness or discomfort they experienced. We tried to be gracious, even though I was confronted by some very rude people sometimes. It helped me focus on the expectations my husband and I believed in and were committed to experiencing when we started the adventure of having children.

My husband and I approached being parents with confidence because we knew we could rely on God for comfort, joy and strength. We had seen proof of God's care as our Father-Mother-God in times past. That comfort gave us an expectation of good which we knew would give us the answers we needed, and to be the example we wanted to follow. Our constant goal was to be obedient to what God was asking of us and to keep the rules of the game God's rules and not human opinion or fear. So much human opinion in the world tries to attach itself to each experience. We were committed to listening for Divine Guidance to tell us the truth of the situation. I was grateful that both of us were so strong in our understanding of God's love and care, that rebuking sickness or limitations or anything unlike God's omnipotent care was our first thought, rather than fear of everything new or old. And everyday there was something to pray about. Its one thing to pray to God for answers or guidance, its another thing to be obedient to those answers with the understanding and confidence that it takes to banish fear and distrust.

We have seven children, seven ideas of God, flourishing every day, every moment as they move forward in their journey. My constant prayer was and is to listen to God's direction for parental guidance. To know that these are God's children, not mine, is vital. I have no hold on these ideas-materially, hereditarily, morally, spiritually, nothing. They are not material creations that my husband and I made. I choose to go higher with the idea of who and what these children are and represent in the course of their lives. If I believe I create life, then I have to believe I destroy life. I hold to the God of the first chapter of Genesis, being an all-good God, all-power, all life, truth and intelligence, governing all, and the only Creator.

I also take the First Commandment very seriously. Given the previous sentence as my basis of trust, I am willing and able to fearlessly banish human opinion or material laws to reject the false testimony to the material senses. I don't have to believe everything I see or hear that comes into my experience. I can choose how to think. I choose to stay with a higher and more trusted thought of God and man's relationship with him. I can be a vessel that pours forth unselfishly and fearlessly, causing no change of shape or distress to the vessel. I can then release the child to God from the beginning and allow God to be the parent of both of us.

I like the idea of God as Father-Mother-God. Everyone can use a little help when it comes to knowing what to do when parenting. I can tell you that during my 25 years of raising 7 children, it has been a huge support to go to God for the answers. Humility and willingness to listen for each step along the way is important. You see, I didn't have to know it all or do it all, nor did I want to have to carry around the weight of a possessive burden that says this is MY child, or struggle with willfulness. That sense of false parenting can create fear, frustration, blame and burden. When do you let it go? If the thought of a child is a burden from the beginning, as you carry it the pregnancy can become a burden and the delivery difficult; and caring for the child an imposition (burden), getting your shape back, so to speak, a burden-a heavy weight you carry around along with all the other impositions of life. And as the child grows, the "terrible twos" are considered a burden, teenage years a burden, college years a burden and even being a senior citizen, a burden. (None of these limitations do I believe in, by the way.) At what point do we stop allowing age and material heredity to be an excuse to determine our happiness or well being?

Every thought had to be kept in check if I was going to be successful in keeping the high goal before me. In II Corinthians, 10:3-5, it says,"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;".

What does this have to do with painless childbirth? Perception, acceptance, clarity, all have an important role in how you are going to approach your life as well as the lives of those around you. Each time I was pregnant, and even when I wasn't, that quote was a source of strength. It allowed me to trust in God's parenting skills for myself and my children, and love what I was doing so much that I was free to be an expression. Then I felt filled up full of God's presence and power, and I could be peaceful and joyful and enjoy every moment with my family without pressure or being uptight or worried. All of that human will and woe was replaced with a clear sense and calm trust.

God's unfailing care has been proven to me throughout all my experiences, and I am confident that His children reflect the qualities of their Father-Mother-God. That is their identity or armor. From the very moment I knew about each child, my expectation of the Divine communication between God and man also allowed me to know that only good was going on with mother and child. Nothing could penetrate that armor inside or out, not then, or ever, and they continue to reflect harmony, health, safety, intelligence, love, spiritual strength and much more. This freedom of thought has been my foundation since childhood, passed down from generation to generation. It can be applied to any new idea that comes into ones' experience. Six of our seven children were delivered at home. Harmonious activity and development for each idea continued even after they arrived. I cherish these experiences and am so grateful for lessons learned that I continue to apply them to new thoughts throughout my day.

Mother's Evening Prayer

O gentle presence, peace and joy and power;
O Life divine, that owns each waiting hour,
Thou Love that guards the nestling's faltering flight!
Keep Thou my child on upward wing to-night.
Love is our refuge; only with mine eye
Can I behold the snare, the pit, the fall:
His habitation high is here, and nigh,
His arm encircles me, and mine, and all.
O make me glad for every scalding tear,
For hope deferred, ingratitude, disdain!
Wait, and love more for every hate and fear
No ill,-since God is good, and loss is gain.
Beneath the shadow of His might wing;
In that sweet secret of the narrow way,
Seeking and finding, with the angels sing:
"Lo, I am with you alway,"-watch and pray.
No snare, no fowler, pestilence or pain;
No night drops down upon the troubled breast,
When heaven's aftersmile earth's tear-drops gain,
And mother finds her home and heavenly rest.

Mary Baker Eddy